Iggy addresses the poodle issue.

Hi Iggy.

“Hi Muppet!”

What are you doing?

“Thinking.  You know that new toy Karen got for me?  At first I wasn’t sure if it was a bunny or a dog, but then I realized it’s probably a bunnydog.  It makes a weird noise when I chew it.  I guess it’s the same noise bunnydogs make in the wild?  Here, listen to this–“

Can I ask you something?

“Huh?  Okay.”

Why do you like poodles so much?

“Hmm.  I dunno.  They’ve got the long ears, and the puffy parts, and… stuff.”

Yeah, I suppose they do.  Okay.

“Why?”

No reason.  Never mind.

“But you know what?”

What?

“They’re kind of foofy.”

What do you mean?

“Like, when I go on walks, I like to stick my nose in the dirt and see what’s under there, you know?”

Yeah, me too.  I like to stick my whole head in the dirt if I can dig a big enough hole.

“Yeah!”

I like to eat it.

“You eat dirt?”

Yeah.  And grass.

“I noticed that.”

You did?

“Yeah. It’s weird.”

It is?

“In a cool way.”

Oh.  Thanks.

“Yeah.  I bet a poodle wouldn’t want to stick her nose in the dirt.  I bet she’d be all, ‘Oh no, I can’t get dirty, I’ve just been GROOMED.'”

Ooh, I hate the groomer!

“Me too!  I can’t stand the — OHMYGOD!”

What?

“OUTSIDE!”

What?!

“PEOPLE!”

WHAT?!

“PEOPLE OUTSIDE!”

PEOPLE?!

“AAIIEEE–“

AAAAAARRRROOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

“–EEE– what the–?!”

Oops.  Sorry.

“Muppet?”

What?

“That was awesome!”

What the hell was that noise?

“Hey Karen!  That was Muppet!  Isn’t it great?  Hey Muppet, you know when it’s really dark out and everyone’s asleep?  I like to look out the window and shriek, just in case, you know?”

You mean in case there might be people somewhere?

“Yeah.”

Muppet, Iggy’s kind of unusual, but he’s all right once you get used to him.

So Iggy, you mean you shriek at nothing in the middle of the night?

“Um… I guess so.”

You’re kidding.

“No.”

Believe me, Muppet, he’s not.

OHMYGOD!  I LOVE shrieking at nothing in the middle of the night!  I’m more of a howler, though, but —

Oh no.

“Yeah, that’s an awesome howl!  How do you do that?”

I can show you if you want.

Oh no no no–

“Cool!”

Hey, you two, stop for a second.

“Karen!  Muppet’s gonna show me how to howl!”

Well, Iggy, that should be fiercely unpleasant.  Anyway, Muppet?  I got the results of your DNA test.  

“Why’d you do a DNA test on her?”

To see what breeds she has in her ancestry.  We know she’s got Schnauzer in her, but what else?

“Well, we know she’s not a poodle.”

Huh?  Oh.  Okay.  Yeah.  

How do you know that?

‘Cause poodles are pretty.

Now, Muppet–

“Not really.”

What?

“They’re not actually pretty — they’re just foofy.”

Foofy, Iggy?

“Yeah.  Not like Schnauzers.  Schnauzers are pretty without being foofy.  So…um… yeah, Muppet, I think it’s obvious you’ve got Schnauzer in you.”

Oh.  Wow.

“I think you’re mostly Schnauzer, in fact.  You’re Schnauzer in everything that matters.”

Thanks, Iggy.

Muppet, do you want to see the results? 

No, that’s okay.  I bet it just says I’m mostly Schnauzer. 

Hmm, let me see… yep, mostly Schnauzer.  You’re right, Muppet, you’re a pretty Schnauzer mix.

“Told you so!  Hey Muppet, can you show me how to do that howling thing?”

Sure!  Deep breath, then watch me:  AAAARROOOOOOOO!

“AAAAAAAIIIEEEEEEEEE!!  Wait, no, that was awful.”

Try again.  AAAAARRRROOOOOOOOOOO!

“AAAGGH — no, wait, ha!”

AAAAAARRROOOOOOOOOOOO!  Ha!


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9 thoughts on “Iggy addresses the poodle issue.

  1. Yup, totally looks like her pedigree is miniature Schnauzer to me. πŸ˜‰ I’m glad to see that they’re getting along now, even if the howling lessons will be fiercely unpleasant. (love that phrase, totally stealing it)

    1. Yep. Poodle? What poodle?

      They’re getting along way too well now. I’ll have to fence in the backyard to give them somewhere to play — at the moment they’re treating my living room like a combination bounce house (sofa cushions are fun!), wrestling ring (three falls, ten minute time limit, immediate rematch regardless of outcome), and skate park (across, up the wall, back down, across as fast as you can!).

      Goofy bastards. πŸ™‚

      1. So the new not-poodle Muppet is the white poofy dawg, and Iggy is a brownier dog with the racing stripe, right?

        We had a dawg, our first dog in our married life, we discovered her name was Muffin, short for Ragamuffin, which is the name of a minor demon. Our Muffin wasn’t any kin to the demonic one, she was sweet, and taught the second dawg, Annie, how to be a dawg.

        Looks like you got a keeper there! That’s always great, when you decide the new dawg is gonna be a family member, as opposed to a house guest for the next 20 years.

        Thanks for the (really funny) update of Iggy news.

        JR

      2. Iggy is the larger silver schnauzer; Muppet is the grey, tan and white mini poodle mix (but don’t tell her or Iggy about that).

        Thank you for reading. πŸ™‚

  2. And so it begins… what a great pair of schnauzers you have there! I do hope you can direct their vocalizations into something more musical… perhaps as backup vocalists for a metal band? I’m sure that you will never have to worry about someone trying to break in to your domicile. As long as you’ve got a howling security team, you’re in good hands/paws. (I think there’s a commercial in there!)

    Oh, and Muppet might be the cutest puppy ever – as cute as Scout was when she was still a pup rather than the barrel-shaped bogle that she is now. (Still a sweetheart, but definitely barrel-y.)

    1. Yep, no poodle in Muppet at all. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

      She’s actually about a year and a half or two years old. She had (very cute) puppies of her own before I got her.

      In any case, with these two I’ll never have to worry about silence of any kind. πŸ™‚

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