“So much time in solitary–”

You’re not in prison, Iggy, you’re getting over heartworm treatment.  

“–but still, I remember this.”

What do you remember?

“The breeze.  The smell of grass.  The feel of the sun on my fur.  I remember it all.”

You should, you were just outside ten minutes ago.  Are you gonna pee or what?

“Ooh, a small slug crushed between my toes.  I remember that too.”

Oh, yuck.  Come on, we’re going back inside.

“Wait!  Let me walk just a few feet over this way.”

Okay.  Are you finally going to pee?

“Let me sniff a little.”

Okay.  Then you’ll pee?

“I might.  I just might.  Just need to sniff a bit.  No, a few feet over this way, let me sniff here.  Maybe.  I might.  Hmm.  No, a few feet this way.  Wait, no, just a few steps over towards here.  No — wait, no, maybe.  I might.  Okay — oh wait, hang on–”

Iggy, come on.  You can’t be outside this long.

“One second, let me just sniff here.  Wait — no.  Over here a couple of feet.  No, over here.  Wait, hang on, I think — no, never mind.  Over here, maybe–”

That’s it, we’re going inside.

“Ah HA!  HERE!”

Okay, good.

“Wait, never mind.”

You don’t really need to pee, do you.

“Not really, no.”

Right.  In we go.  

“Okay.”

Okay, slowly — don’t run through the door, Iggy — slow walk back to the crate.  Let me remove the leash, hang on.  Okay, in you go.  

“Okay.”

Good boy.

“Karen?”

No.  You just said you didn’t have to pee.  We’re not going outside again.

“You didn’t ask if I had to poop.”

Ugh.  Fine.  Okay, come out of the crate — slowly, Iggy.  Let me get the leash on you.  All right, walk — no running!  Good boy.  Walk to the door.  Okay, let’s go.

“Okay, just need to sniff a little bit.  No, a few feet over here.  Hmm.  A few steps this way.  Okay, wait — no.  Let me sniff over there a bit–”

Are you going to poop any time soon?

“No.”

You just said you had to!

“No, I said you didn’t ask me.  I didn’t say what my answer would be.”

Back inside, Iggy.

“Can I bring some slugs with me?”

No. 

“Will you get me a poodle?  I really think I deserve a poodle.”

No.  Get in the crate, Iggy.