“Hi everyone, Iggy here! I’d like to take a moment to ask you to vote for me in this contest — it’s sponsored by a supermarket chain and the winner gets $750 in marrow bones and treats.”
Well, actually, it’s a $750 gift card to use in the supermarket.
“Yes. On marrow bones and treats.”
Or, you know, human food.
“You don’t need human food.”
“Well, look at you. You could afford to skip a meal or two.”
Watch it, Iggy.
“All of it? My field of vision isn’t that big.”
You know, it would be easy for me to lose track of how many days you have left in that crate.
“I kid! I kid! You’re gorgeous!”
“You look like a poodle!”
Okay, this is backfiring. Anyway, readers, please vote for Iggy. You can vote once every day until the contest ends on October 21st.
“If you had a poofy tail, I’d swear you were a perfectly groomed purebred show dog!”
That’s enough, Iggy.