Muppet, Iggy’s accidental muse.

“Hey Karen!”

Yes, Iggy?

“I wrote a poem for Muppet.”

You did?

“Yeah, I was watching her sleep, and I was inspired.”

Well, that’s very sweet.

Sure, if by ‘sweet’ you mean really weird and just a little bit creepy.

Now, Muppet, he’s making an effort.  Let’s give him a chance.  Iggy, why don’t you read us your poem?

“Okay!”  

O Muppet
by Iggy 

O Muppet, fur unruly, 
A Schnauzer, a Yorkie, a mix, asleep 
With your leg in the air 
Like a fainting goat in the night. 
A Schnauzer, a Yorkie, a mix, a mess 
O Muppet, will you be groomed 
Like, ever?


Ugh. You see what I have to put up with?

That wasn’t very nice, Iggy.

“I’m just wondering what’s up with her fur, that’s all!”

She’s going to the groomer next week.

“She is?”

Oh no. I am?

Yes.

Oh.  Wow.  I really don’t like it here.

Aw, Muppet, don’t hide under the — yeah, okay.

Iggy tries.

Hi, readers. Iggy’s chewing on a rawhide bone, and that’s going to keep him busy for a while, so I thought that I’d switch things up today and tell you a bit about myself.

I work for a technology company. I don’t mind it — in fact, they recently started letting me work from home a couple of days a week. One of the advantages to that is that come lunch hour, if you’re feeling sleep deprived like I am today, there’s nothing stopping you from laying back on the couch, pulling a light blanket over you, and —

“‘Scuse me? Karen?”
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Yes, Iggy?

“I wrote you a poem.”

You did?

“Uh huh. ‘Cause you’re really special and nice and stuff. Wanna hear it?”

Sure.

“Okay. It’s called I Love You A Lot.”

Iggy, you say that about everybody.

“But this is different! You’re the bestest person in the world!”

Aw, Iggy, you really feel that way?

“Uh huh! Can I sit with you and read you my poem?”

Of course.
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“Okay. A haiku. I Love You A Lot, by Iggy. Me.”

I love you a lot
You give me warmth and safety
You give me your couch.

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Oh, no you don’t. Nice try, Iggy. Get off the blanket.

“HEE HEE!”
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Okay, you’re just being creepy now. Get down.

“Heh. Okay.”

Haiku explorations.

Cats
by Iggy

O! Cat — you’re no fun.
May I please lick your back? No!
Cat — you are no fun.

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That was very… interesting, Iggy.

“I have another one!”

Uh oh —

Dogs
by Iggy

Dogs. They’re better than
cats. Dogs are fun and nice too
I can lick dogs’ backs.

Great. Now can we —

“Wait, I’ve got more!”

Cat, You Really Suck
by Iggy

Cat, you really suck.
I mean it — you really suck.
You really suck, cat.

Now, Iggy —

Hey, I’ve got one! There once was a dog from Nantucket

Stop it, Elwood.

Clearly this was a bad idea.

TERROR HAS A NEW NAME.

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“Da dum… da dum…”

What the —

“DA dum DA dum DA dum…”

Iggy, what are you doing?

“I’m not Iggy.”

All right. Where’s Iggy?

“I ate him.”

You ate him?

“I’m a shark.”

You’re a schnauzer, Iggy.

“I’m SCHNAUZER SHNA– SHAUZER SHARK– SNAUZ– no, wait, hang on.”

Okay, then.

“Scharz — wait, no. Schnarker — no… Snauk… sch… zzzzzzzzzzz…”

Upon the couch the creature jumped
From chasing cats came he
The schnauzer shark, out like a light,
That sleeps the cozy seas.

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We’re gonna need a bigger couch.