An Iggy Christmas.

Did you have a nice Christmas, Iggy?

“I guess.”

Did you get anything you wanted?

“I got a bacon chew treat for a minute.”

For a minute?

“Muppet took it.”

I’m sorry, Iggy.

“That’s okay, I’ll just jump on her later and scare the hell out of her.”

Iggy, I don’t think you —

“Probably around 3 AM.”

Wonderful.

“Gotta rest up — gonna be a busy night.”

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AHEM.

“I’m BAAAAACK!”

Okay, Iggy, that’s a bit much, don’t you think?

“You wouldn’t let me say what I wanted.”

What was that?

“Heeeeere’s IGGY!” 

Yeah, a little bit creepy.  You’re not an axe murderer.

“No.”

Indeed.

“I’d need opposable thumbs.”

Try not to evolve any time soon, then, okay?

“No choice.”

No, I suppose not.

“I’m working on it, though.”

I’m hiding the knife rack.

“Awww!”

Car ride? Car ride.

“Hi. Car ride please?”

Okay, Iggy. Come on, we’ll go for a ride.

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“Oh boy oh boy oh boy! Car ride! Car ride! Car ride!”

That’s right! Who’s a happy Iggy?

“ME ME ME! I’M A HAPPY IGGY! Wanna stick my head out the window! Wanna feel the wind in my fur! Wanna bark at… um… I don’t know! I can’t choose! WANNA BARK AT THE WHOLE WORLD! HAPPY IGGY!”

Good boy! Are you ready?

YES! I’M READY! CAR RIDE! HAPPY IGGY! HAPPY IGGY!!!

Okay, let me roll down the window a little for you –

“Ha! No, I just want to blow my nose in your hair, then I’m gonna lick the side of your head for half an hour.”

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Oh, yuck.

“I’M GONNA LICK THE SKIN OFF MY HUMAN’S SKULL!!! HAPPY IGGY!!!

M.C. Iggy back on the mic — so, you know, yo. Or something.

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Yo, cone of shame sucka, chewing on your stitches

M.C. Iggy’s in the waiting room sniffing all your bitchez —

Iggy, what’s going on?

“I got gold bling! And I got shot!”

Okay, whoa, hang on there, pup. You didn’t get shot, you got your shots. And that’s just an orange rabies vaccination tag.

“I’m gangsta!”

You’re schnauza.

“Gangsta!”

You sure?

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“What! It took two of ’em to hold me back! I’m gangsta!”

Okay, Iggy, you’re gangsta.

Thank you.”

Do you want your Shamrock McSqueakybear now?

“Yes, please.”

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Good boy.

“Gangsta.”

Okay.

HEY!

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“Hey Karen! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!”

What, Iggy?

“Hey!”

Yes. Hey. Were you planning on saying anything else?

“No!”

Okay —

“Oh, wait, I mean yes! Yes! Remember that time it snowed a lot and it was really cold? And you were all worried about how I’d react when you walked me in the snow for the first time? And then I hardly noticed it and I wanted to stay outside and I was exploring and I was gonna sniff every single snowflake I could get my nose on? And you and Brian were trying to get me to come back inside ’cause you live in the south and don’t have really warm winter clothes? And you were freezing and miserable? And I just stayed right where I was?”

Yes, Iggy. What about it?

“That was great.

HI! HI HI HI HI HI! HI!

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“Hi! Hi reader people! Hi hi hi hi hi! Hey, Karen, look! The Iggy Dialogues has a follower already!”

Impossible. This is just the first post here, and it’s not even published yet.

“No, really! Look! A follower!”

Let me see that… okay, Iggy, “MakeMoneyBusinessBlogging” is a spammer.

“Oooh, a spammer? Hi, spammer!”

Iggy, that’s not really a —

“I love MakeMoneyBusinessBlogging a lot!”

Whatever makes you happy.