“Karen!  It’s not what you think!”

Relax, Iggy.

“It’s completely innocent!”

I know that.

“Get your mind out of the gutter!”

It wasn’t in the gutter, Iggy.  What are you even talking —

“Why shouldn’t I be here?”

What?

“Hey, it’s not my fault you can’t keep a man!  Maybe if you weren’t whoring your way around the whole trailer park –“

Whoa, Iggy, where is this even coming from?

“No good?”

Of course not!

“But you walked in, and I’m on the bed with your husband.  I’m supposed to say stuff like that.”

No, you aren’t supposed to say —

“So step off, ’cause he’s mine now!”

Cut it out.  Where did you learn this?

“When you’re at work I watch TV, and there’s a show about a Spaniel.”

A Spaniel?

“Yeah, a Springer Spaniel, and he –“

Named Jerry, by any chance?

“You’ve seen it!  Isn’t it great?”

No more TV for you.

“Aaaww!  Wait!  I won’t watch that show anymore!”

Promise?

“Promise!”

Okay.

“There’s always Honey Boo Boo.  She has good snacks.”

 I… I can’t even.