“Hey, what did I win?”
What?
“The photo contest. What did I win?”
Oh, that. Sorry, Iggy, you didn’t make the finals.
“What?! I didn’t?”
I’m afraid not.
“But… but… *sniffle* you mean nobody thought I was cute?”
What the — are you crying, Iggy?
“They thought I was ugly! They thought, ‘Ha, look at that stupid Schnauzer, thinking he can win a cute dog contest. He’s all wormy and stupid and hideous!’ *sniffle* I bet they laughed at my picture!”
Aw, Iggy, no! You got hundreds of votes!
“I bet they just felt sorry for me!”
Aw, hang on, let me open the crate. Come here, I’ll scratch your ears.
“No. Don’t want anyone scratching my ugly ears!”
Don’t be like that. Do you want a rib bone?
“No.”
What about a chewy hedgehog? You love those.
“No!”
Is there anything you do want? Your Kermit? Your squeaky chicken?
“*sniffle* I dunno.”
Come on, Iggy, name it.
“Really?”
If I can get it for you, I will. I hate seeing you so sad. A marrow bone? How about some jerky?
“*sniffle* Okay.”
Okay, what do you want?
“HA! I WANT A POODLE! YEAH! YOU SAID ‘NAME IT’! I WANT A POODLE!”
You manipulative little–
“All perfumed and poofy-tailed–”
–bastard.
“–and shaved!”
No.
“Another Schnauzer, then?”
No more dogs.
“A girl Schnauzer would work! We can shave her!”
Nobody’s shaving any dogs, because we’re not getting any more dogs.
“She’d have to have her face shaved, in the very least. The mustache and beard would just make her look menopausal. Oh — no offense, Karen.”
Get back in the crate.
The Iggy Dialogues 
Oh MY… Y’all bring new meaning to “laugh out loud.” I almost needed a Depends for that one. 😀
Thank you, and I’m glad I didn’t cause you to start your day by wetting yourself. I hate when that happens. 🙂
Iggy, I voted every day for you, you are the cutest Schnauzer ever!
btw: do you have an idea what name your new poodle will get?
Aaagghh! No poodles!
(Meanwhile, Iggy says, “Let’s call her “Easy”!)
This is why we can’t have nice things.
Sneaky lil pup! Y’know I think it’s quite nice you want a poodle, somebody has to love em! 😛
And I’ll say it again… YOU WAS ROBBED!
Hugs, Carrie and Pups x
Says Iggy, “Who said anything about love? I just think they’re hot .”
Okay – I have to confess to lurking here (found you thanks to Balloon Juice, where I also read from the shadows) and honest to FSM, I’m now addicted. Thank you and Iggy for making me laugh. These days that’s a true gift!
Thank you so much!
Ah Iggy, you’re a winner in my book – everyday.
Aw, thanks! 🙂