M.C. Iggy returns! (You knew this was coming.)

Yo, M.C. Iggy in the house, y’all, pickin’ up the treats and droppin’ the beats!

First things first, I’m the cutest

Down girl, you know the whole world knew this

And I’m still in the schnauza bizness

I could wag my tail so hard it defies physics

You should want a bad dog like this

Drop my toy and pick it up just like this

High tail, something worth half a twenty on my neck

Bag of treats when I’m hangin’ on the deck

Takin’ all the squirrels down, gonna chase that

Kibble spillin’, you should taste that

I be the I– um…

“…hmm. Psst, Karen?”

Yes?

“How do I… you know.”

Oh.  I-g-g-y.

I be the I-G-G-Y! Put my name in bold

I been barking, I ain’t doin’ anything I’m told!

I’m so fancy

Can you taste this bone

I’m in the fast lane

To the dog park and then back home

Who that, who that?

I-G-G-Y!

That chew that, chew that?

I-G-G-Y!

“That was exhausting.  I’ll be on the couch if you need me.”

You were on the couch the whole time.  

“Yeah, but I’m staying on the couch, is my point.”

It’s about time you figured out how to stay.

“What?”

Nothing.  Go to sleep.

“Will do!”

(By the way, readers, here’s the actual song.)  

Gangsta Schnauza. Sort of.

Yo! M.C. Iggy in the HOUSE, y’all! Let me see ya jump up on the couch! Wag those tails in the air! Yeah…

All the sucka mutts runnin’ from me every night

‘Cause I don’t bark, baby, I’m just gonna bite

Well, okay, then. You go on with your bad self.

I just look at my toy and I make it squeak

All the hydrants thank me when I take a leak

Oh, great. Stay classy, Iggy.

All the kitties cry for mommy when they see me comin’

I’m the —

Excuse me?
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“Ohshit — WELL! HI, ELWOOD!”

Hello schnauzer.

“Um… hmmm… oh boy. Um… okay. Psst, Karen — is he still there?”

Yes, schnauzer. I’m still here.
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“Ohmygod he is, isn’t he. Yeah. Um… Karen? I’m kinda worried now? You know, just a little bit?”
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Okay, stop it, Elwood.

Fine, human. I’d hate for the schnauzer to wet the couch. Goodbye.

“Is he gone?”

He’s gone. You okay?

“Um… kind of?”

Would you like your squeaky elephant?

“Yes, please.”

Here you go. Feel better now?

“Yeff.”
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“I’m ftill M. Fee Iggy, oo know.”

I know.

“Ganffta.”

Of course you are.