Road tripping.

Do you like car rides, Muppet?
 
I dunno.  I guess.  Sometimes.
 
Sometimes?  Why only sometimes?
 
Well, I mean, they’re okay.  But then — oh, hang on —
 
What?
 
WATCH WHERE YOU’RE GOING, YOU MORON!

 
Wow–
 
WHAT THE HELL IS SO DAMNED IMPORTANT THAT YOU GOTTA STARE AT YOUR DAMNED PHONE?!
 
Muppet–
 
OR ARE YOU WATCHING DRIVING LESSONS ON YOUTUBE?  DON’T YOU THINK YOU SHOULD HAVE STUDIED UP BEFORE YOU GOT IN THE CAR?!
 
Okay–
 
YA SCHMUCK!
 
Muppet, you okay there?
 
Yeah.  Can we go home?
 
Good idea.  Let’s get you home so you can calm down.
 
I’m fine.  I wanna jump on Iggy’s head, then I’m gonna bark for a while.
 
Of course you are.

Iggy, terrifying.

“Hi folks, Iggy here! Getting over heartworms and tired of confinement? Just lie down in your crate and breathe really fast — you’ll be out of the crate and going on a car ride before you know it! Of course, it’s to an emergency vet, but what can ya do.”

What? You did that purposely?

“Huh? Oh… um… hi Karen!”

Don’t “hi” me. You faked that whole thing?

“Um… kind of.”

You scared the hell out of me!

“I went on a car ride! It was fun!”

Fun? At two in the morning?

“Any time is a good time for a car ride!”

No, Iggy, two in the morning is not a good time for a car ride when I have to be at work at eight.

“I didn’t have to be at work, though. It was fine.”

It was not fine, Iggy! I got a huge vet bill!

“It was totally worth it! Car ride!”

Ugh. It’s almost five now. I have to work in three hours. See that bed there? I’m crawling into it now, and I’m going to sleep. Lie down in your crate and nap.

“Okay.”

Good night.

“Good night.”

. . . . .

“Karen?”

Mmmph.

“You asleep?”

Mm hmm.

“Okay.”

Mmmph.

“Gotta pee.”

AAAGGHH!

Car ride? Car ride.

“Hi. Car ride please?”

Okay, Iggy. Come on, we’ll go for a ride.

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“Oh boy oh boy oh boy! Car ride! Car ride! Car ride!”

That’s right! Who’s a happy Iggy?

“ME ME ME! I’M A HAPPY IGGY! Wanna stick my head out the window! Wanna feel the wind in my fur! Wanna bark at… um… I don’t know! I can’t choose! WANNA BARK AT THE WHOLE WORLD! HAPPY IGGY!”

Good boy! Are you ready?

YES! I’M READY! CAR RIDE! HAPPY IGGY! HAPPY IGGY!!!

Okay, let me roll down the window a little for you –

“Ha! No, I just want to blow my nose in your hair, then I’m gonna lick the side of your head for half an hour.”

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Oh, yuck.

“I’M GONNA LICK THE SKIN OFF MY HUMAN’S SKULL!!! HAPPY IGGY!!!