AAAAIIIIEEEE!

AAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHHH–“

Welcome back, Karen. I thought that for today’s training session, we’d see if we can’t get Iggy to calm down when he sees other dogs.

Sorry, Steven, I didn’t catch that. What did you say?

EEEEEEEEEEEEYYYAAAAAAAAA—

I said, we’re going to get Iggy to—

What?!

–AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHH—

WE’RE GOING TO–

“[pant pant pant]”

–WORK ON—sorry. Okay, I want to—

AAAAIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE—

–I want to work on Iggy’s shrieking!

I’m sorry, I can’t hear you over Iggy’s shrieking!

–EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYAAAAAAIIIII—

We’re going to walk around the store—

What?!

WE’RE GOING TO WALK AROUND THE STORE AND WORK ON HIS SHRIEKING!

Okay, I’ll walk around the store while you work with him!

—AAAAAAAIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYAAAA—

What?!

But wouldn’t it make more sense if we all walked around the store together?!

What? Yes! That’s what we’re doing!

–AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHH—

Okay, as soon as he stops shrieking, I want you to click the clicker and give him a treat!

What?!

–AAAIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYAAAAAAAAAIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE—

I said give him a treat!

What, now?! But he’s shrieking!

—AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHH—

No, wait!

–AAAIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE—

Here you go, Iggy.

AAAAIIIIEEEoh, what’s this?”

A cut up piece of a hot dog.

“A what?”

It’s a piece of a hot dog. Isn’t that great? You get this if you–

“WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!”

What?

“YOU’RE TRYING TO FEED ME A DOG!”

Um–

Iggy, it’s not a real–

Karen? You actually weren’t supposed to give him—

“YOU’RE A SICK, SICK WOMAN!”

Iggy, it’s not a—

Oh, look, another dog just walked in. Let’s try to–

AAAAAAIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE—

Sorry, what?!

Let’s walk Iggy past the dog, and if he stops shrieking, give him a treat!

–AAAAIIIIIIEEEEYAAAAAAAAGGGGHHH—

Come on, Iggy, let’s walk—

–AAAAAGGGGHHHHHHH–

As soon as he stops shrieking–

What?!

—AAAAIIIEEEEIIIIEEEEEEEAAAIIIEEEEEEE—

He has to stop sometime! Doesn’t he?

“[pant pant pant]”

Quick, treat him now.

Good boy, Iggy! You get a treat!

“NO! THAT’S DOG!! YOU’RE INSANE!!!

I told you, hot dogs aren’t really dogs—

“DOGS?! WHERE?!”

Oh, no—

AAAAAAIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Well, that was fast, our time’s up for this week!

Okay, thanks for your help! See you next Sunday?!

AAAAIIIIIEEYYYAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHH!

Shit.

Sorry, I didn’t catch that?!

Great!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHH!

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10 thoughts on “AAAAIIIIEEEE!

  1. Thank you SO much for this expose of another dog’s issues in public… although I think the fact that Iggy only howls is somewhat better than Scout (the beagle-Boston terrier/orist mix) in public. She has a bad habit of pooping when introduced to new places. I think I’d rather have Iggy-howls over Scout-poopings. The worst was when she pooped in the local Boy Scout Council Office – my poor husband was mortified. (After decades of being a BSA volunteer’s “widow”, I secretly applauded Scout’s action…)

    PS – I love Iggy…

    1. Iggy poops until he can’t poop anymore. Then he squats like he’s going to poop, then he walks away. That little quirk of his was a huge hit at the dog park, let me tell you — him squatting, then walking away, then me walking over to where he was squatting, and everyone else seeing me not pick anything up. We don’t go there anymore.

      Scout sounds hilarious — I think Iggy would love her.

    1. The trainer. I’m used to it by now, and Iggy thinks what he’s doing is perfectly normal. True story: the first time he met Iggy, Iggy was his usual self, making all sorts of weird shrieky sounds that shouldn’t occur in nature. The trainer actually said, “Wow, I didn’t know dogs could make that noise.”

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