“Lemme go.”

No.

“Lemme go!”

No. You have to stay on the leash while the contractor is here to paint the house.

“Lemme go lemme go lemme go—“

No. I don’t want you getting into anything.

“But that guy is leaving!”

He’s coming back. He’s just getting stuff out of his truck.

“He’s never coming back!”

Relax, Iggy.

“You don’t understand! He petted me!”

I saw that.

“He has to live with us forever!”

No, he doesn’t. 

“Pleeeeaaase?”

No.  God, you’re needy.

“Never mind, I’ll find someone like him.”

What the — Iggy, did you just quote an Adele song?

“Oh, whoops, did I say that out loud?”

I’m disappointed in you. Do you know how pathetic that song is? She says the guy’s married now, so clearly they’ve been apart for a while. And she just shows up out of nowhere specifically to tell him she’s still not over him and she’ll find someone like him. Now, it’s fine to feel that way, but don’t show up and tell him that. If I’m the guy, I’m like, never mind, I’ll find someone to help me file a restraining order. Damn, woman, get on with your life!

“But maybe he scratched her ears. Did you ever think of that?”

What? Um… okay, fine. But that’s no excuse to throw your dignity out the window.

“Karen, I shriek hysterically at anyone I think I might like, remember?”

Hmm. Good point.

“Seriously, have we met?”

I get it.

“Try to be a bit more empathetic in the future.”

You win.

“Okay – OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD—“

What, Iggy?

“HE’S COMING BACK!”

Told you so.

Hey, Karen? I’ve just got to run out and get that extra baseboard to replace the damaged one.

Sure, that’s fine.

“You’re leaving?”

Yep, little fella, just have to get–

“DON’T FORGET ME, I BEG!”

Wow, Karen, your dog sure is friendly.

You have no idea.