Iggy, are you still my friend?
Oh, come on.
“No. Go away. You’re mean.”
Don’t be like that.
“You put a thing on my snout!”
A head collar.
“I hate it!”
I know. You have to get used to it.
Because it’ll stop you from going haywire when you’re out in public.
Iggy, you lunge and shriek at other animals and people.
What do you call what you did at the pet supply store this afternoon?
“I was just saying hi.”
At the top of your lungs.
“Well, the other dogs were really far away. You humans are huge. You have no idea how big that place is to us dogs.”
You freaked out everyone in the store.
“I was being friendly!”
You lunged at them.
“I was greeting them!”
And the non-stop, ear-piercing shrieks?
“I was saying hi!”
They were running for an interior room.
“I was being polite!”
They thought the county set off their tornado warning siren.
“Well, an interior room would be the best place to go if a tornado’s coming.”
The sound shattered the front window.
“What, is there a glass shortage? They can’t get another window?”
The police were called, Iggy.
“Well, it’s their job to aid the citizens of –”
They thought the store was under attack.
“It was just a busted window.”
They notified the Federal government. Now I need lawyers to somehow convince the United States Department of Homeland Security not to classify you as a weapon.
“Ooh. They should. That would be so badass!”
I’m on the no-fly list now!
“But you can’t go anywhere anyway. I’m adorable and you can’t bear to leave me, right?”
Oh, and did I mention we’re not allowed back into any pet supply stores within a 50 mile radius until you stop shrieking and lunging?
So unless you stop, I have no way to buy you your chewy hedgehogs anymore.
“No more chewy hedgehogs?”
Nope. No more.
“I’m sorry! I’ll wear the head collar! I promise!”
“Can I have a hedgehog please?”
Will you be my friend again?
“Fine. You win.”