Iggy, Ungrateful Part II

“Hi, reader people! Iggy here! Karen’s cleaning up the kitchen from yesterday, so I’m handing the blog today.”

No you’re not, Iggy! I told you I’m doing it tonight, after I get rid of the remains your failed Squeakymeat prototype.  You go lay down until I’m done.

“Oh, all right.” 

Good boy.  I’ll be in the kitchen if you need me.

“Yeah, reader people, she’ll be a while. So anyway, Donna at MyOBT nominated The Iggy Dialogues for a Very Inspiring Blogger Award. There are some rules we have to follow, and I’m going to handle that while Karen’s fixing everything the kitchen.”

Iggy, what are you doing?

“Nothing! Just hanging in the living room, laying on my bed!”

Good boy! Stay there for now – I can’t clean this stuff off of the wall until I figure out what it is.

“Yep! Anyway, reader people, according to this list, there are five things I have to do. Hmmm… okay, it says here that first, I have to thank and link to the amazing person who nominated us. Okay: thank you, Donna, for your award which contains nothing edible at all and doesn’t even make squeaky noises but Karen says I’m being ungrateful so I’ll stop pointing that out. And the link is above. Okay, got that done.

“Second, I have to list the rules and display the award. Hmm. That’s really second and third, isn’t it? No matter. Anyway, we’re in the middle of the list now so that part will be done soon enough. And here’s the award. See? I’m inspiring!”

Hey, Iggy? Why is the inside of the stove all sticky?

“I dunno! Anyway, reader people, it says the third rule is that I have to tell you seven facts about myself. I’ll do those in a minute. The fourth is that I have to… hmmm… nominate 15 bloggers and comment on their blogs to let them know they’re nominated. Um… I can’t count that high, so Karen will have do to that.”

Iggy, did you just say I have to do something?

“What?! No! Um… yeah! I’m not allowed to get up from my bed yet ‘cause you told me to stay, so you have to say when I can get up!”

That’s right, Iggy. And can you tell me how the hell you managed to block the entire air conditioning duct?

“Something spilled! Sorry!”

Spilled? It’s a solid!

“It wasn’t when I mixed it!”

Great. That’s helpful.

“Okay, seven facts about myself:

  • “I was going through a long-haired hippie phase when I first met Karen at the rescue.”

  • “I can write haikus off the top of my head. Here’s one about the award.”

I inspire, yet I
Am not given any meat
Or squeaky things. Why?

Iggy, did you just rattle off a haiku complaining about the Very Inspiring Blogger Award? What did I tell you about being ungrateful?

“Sorry!”

Are you staying on your bed?

“Yes!”

Okay.

  • “People think I look like a movie star.”

  • “I’m a very serious schnauzer.”

  • “I am SEX-AY. Hello, ladies!”

  • “I think Joan Jett is starting to look like Liza Minnelli.”

“And the final thing about me is that I probably can’t count to seven, although I’ve never tried. So now the last rule left to follow is to proudly display the award logo on the blog and follow the blogger who nominated us. Hmm. Karen should display the award later when she does the 15 links, ‘cause we’re not finished with the rules yet and it wouldn’t be nice to show off an award we haven’t earned yet even if there’s no meat or squeakiness involved but that’s okay I’m not complaining. Hey Karen? Are you following MyOBT?”

Yes, I am. Why?

“Well, she gave us that award and stuff.”

I know. I was already following her, though. Anyone who likes The Wailing Jennys must be followed. Now Iggy, you have to stay on your bed for a while longer — I need to go get a chisel for the dishwasher.  We won’t be doing anything with the blog tonight — I’ll handle the Inspiring Blogger Award thing tomorrow.

“Okay! I’m not posting anything!”

Good boy!

“HEE!”

 

Iggy, ungrateful.

Iggy, guess what?

“What?”

We got nominated for an award!

“We did? Oh boy! What kind of award?”

A Very Inspiring Blogger Award!

“Oh boy oh boy oh boy!”

Yep, I knew you’d be excited! Who’s a happy Iggy?

“ME! I’m a happy Iggy! Does it come with steak?!”

What? Well, no.

“Oh. That sucks. Awards should come with steak.”

Now, Iggy, that’s not very nice of you. This came from the wonderful Donna at MyOBT, who was very kind to nominate us. “OBT” stands for One Beautiful Thing — she posts one thing per day that she finds beautiful, and she’s got a great eye.  From her About page:  

I began to wonder what would happen if I committed to spend every day looking for at least one beautiful thing?

Okay, that excerpt makes it sound sappy and trite, but it’s most definitely not.  Readers, do yourselves a favor and go check it out.  Also, her About page also quotes Tim Minchin, so for that alone she totally rocks.  

“She can’t rock that much if she’s not giving me any steak.”

Stop that, Iggy.  Anyway, the Very Inspiring Blogger Award is given to bloggers who inspire, of course — whether it’s with stories of survival against overwhelming odds, or things that seem small but still brighten your day for having read them, or —

“Does it squeak, at least? That would at least be amusing for a little while.”

It doesn’t squeak. It’s not a toy.

“That sucks!”

Cut that out.  Anyway, I especially like the pay-it-forward aspect —

“You know what would be a great award?”

Quiet, Iggy.  As I was saying —

“Squeaky steak.”

— there are some rules we have to —

“I’ll carry it around squeezing it in my jaws and it’ll make fun squeaky noises. Then I’ll eat it.  ‘Cause it’s meat.”

Pay attention, Iggy. There are some rules —

“Can you at least buy me a squeaky steak when you’re done here?”

There’s no such thing. Now, the rules of the award are that —

“Well, that’s a market vacuum right there.”

— we have to list — wait, what?

“Squeaky steak should exist. Squeaky steak doesn’t exist. Ergo, market vacuum.”

Fine, there’s a market vacuum. Anyway, I have to list 15 —

“We could make it ourselves. And sell it!”

What are you talking about?

“We could advertise it. Iggy’s Squeaksteaks – Play With Your Food!”

Fine, we’ll talk about it later. So, the award —

“Squeakymeat – The Meat that Squeaks!”

Quiet.

“Bouncy Beef!”

Can I finish here?

“Sure. You tell everyone about the award. I’ll be in the kitchen working on a prototype.”

Thank you. The rules of the “Very Inspiring–“

The schnauzer inspires me.

Oh, hello, Elwood. Why don’t you come here and tell everyone what he inspires in you?

Homicidal bloodlust.

Okay, I don’t think that’s —

Look, human.  I have a minion now.

 

Oh, wonderful.  Wait a minute — Iggy, where did you run off to?

“I’m in the kitchen! Hey, are you gonna eat any of this?!”

Oh, shit —

“‘Cause it’s really good!”

Well, I can see today isn’t a good day for this. I’m afraid we’ll have to do the award thing tomorrow, after I clean up the mess here.  (Is there a blog award that offers a mop, a couple of buckets, and maybe a hazmat suit?  No?  Just checking.)