“Hey, gimme some smokes.”

What? Of course not.

“I need them!”

I don’t have any cigarettes, and even if I did I wouldn’t give you any. What do you need cigarettes for?

“To trade for phone time.”

You’re kidding.

“Nope.”

Who do you want to call?

“I wanna prank the vet.”

You’re not making prank calls to the vet’s office.

“I’m doing hard time because he framed me!”

He prescribed confinement while you recover from your heartworms.

“Yeah, right, whatever. Get me some smokes to trade.”

Tell me, Iggy, who would you trade them with?

“You.”

Wait a minute — you want me to give you cigarettes so you can offer them back to me?

“Yes.”

That makes no sense, Iggy.

“It makes perfect sense!”

How?

“You have the phone!”

You’re not getting cigarettes.  Be quiet and chew your treat ball.

“Hey, trade you a treat ball?”

I don’t want the treat ball.  If I wanted the treat ball I wouldn’t have given it to you.

“Come on.  It’s chicken flavored.”

You’re not making prank phone calls to the vet.  

“Fine.  Just don’t come to me later asking for the treat ball, ’cause you can’t have it.”

I’ll try to survive.

“Hmmph.”