Okay, what’s wrong now, Iggy?

“I don’t see why I need a leash when I’m outside.”

Remember what happened last time you were off your leash?

“Nothing happened! It was fine!”

You ran off down the street.

“What? I was gonna come back.”

Then around the corner.

“So what?”

Onto a woman’s property.

“Better than running into the street, isn’t it?”

You pooped on her lawn, Iggy.

“I had to poop, and that was as good a territory to claim as any.”

While she was sitting on her front porch looking right at you.

“Good for her for getting outside. You should do that more.”

Then you ran up onto her porch —

“To say hi and thanks for letting me claim her lawn as my own.”

— and jumped in her lap.

“Well, I was very grateful. I really had to poop.”

It wasn’t your lawn!

“It is now! Relax, it’s okay. She can come here and poop on our lawn.”

No she can’t!

“Well, that’s not very nice of you. After I pooped on her lawn.”

You’re staying on the leash, Iggy.

“You’re no fun.”