Iggy and Muppet, I have a surprise for you!

“Can I eat it?”

No, Iggy, you can’t eat it.

I can.

No, Muppet, it’s not food.

Doesn’t matter.

Okay then.  Anyway, I’ll give you a hint.  It’s something outside.

“A tree?”

We already have trees outside, Iggy.

“But I meant a new tree.  Something new to pee on.”

It’s not a tree.

A woodchipper?

What, Muppet?

A woodchipper!

It’s not a woodchipper.

Aw.  

Sorry, Muppet.

Can we get a woodchipper?

What?  Why do you — never mind.  We’re not getting a woodchipper.  

Aw.  Okay.

Anyway, it’s something outside and it means more fun for you.

“Um…”

What have you always wanted, Iggy?

“A poodle?”

I don’t want a poodle. 

“Neither do I, Muppet, but I used to.  But wait — it can’t be a poodle, unless you’re keeping her outside?”

What?  You can’t keep a poodle outside!  

That’s right, Muppet.  It’s not nice to–

She’ll just whine that it’s too dirty outside for a princess like her and ‘boo hoo now I won’t smell like perfume and flowers and unicorn puke’ and then I’ll have to snap her neck.

Calm down, Muppet.  It’s not a poodle.  It’s something that’ll make it easier for you to play behind the house.

“Wait, is it a –“

ZIP LINE!

What?  Muppet, it’s not–

YOU’RE PUTTING IN A ZIP LINE!

“We’re getting a zip line?  I would have guessed you were finally fencing in the backyard.”

Iggy, we’re not–

ZIP LINE!  I’M GOING AIRBORNE!

“I have to say, that’s kind of a weird choice, Karen.”

Iggy, it’s not —

I’M GONNA EAT BIRDS!

You’re not going to eat birds, Muppet.

LIKE HELL I’M NOT!  

“You should have ordered a fence.”

I did, Iggy.

“Fat lot of good it’ll do — Muppet’s just gonna zip right over it.”

I didn’t get–

ZIP LINE!  Awesome!

Never mind.

Hey, can I watch Fargo again?

No, Muppet.